Five years ago this morning, I gave birth to my first child. Noëlle made her grand entrance amidst a fierce and furious snowstorm; appropriate foreshadowing of our future journey with her.
These last five years (or 1,821 days to be exact) have been the hardest of my life. I have been exhausted, and sleep deprived beyond what I thought was my physical limit; I found it tremendously difficult to transition from making a vey good living to relying on my husband to provide for us. Relinquishing financial control made me resentful. It took 10 long months before I started to honestly, and genuinely enjoy being a stay-at-home mom; I finally truly understood what "frustration" and "monotony" meant. I experienced heartache, and devastation like my soul was never meant to know. I discovered the necessity of fighting with every ounce for the tools my daughter needed; I had to finally break down and ask for help. I have known doubt, worry, uncertainty, anger, and disappointment that no one ever bothered to prepare me for. I have reached the end of my rope...and taught myself how to make that rope longer. These last five years have been hard.
These last five years (1,821 hard earned days) have been the most rewarding, and prosperous years I have ever had. I believe in how strong I am, as a person, as a mother. No one in the world will ever love me as unconditionally as Noëlle does. My marriage and relationship with Nick gets stronger every day, with every new hurdle we launch over. I finally truly understand what "selflessness" and "sacrifice" means. I realize how fortunate we are that I can stay at home with the kids- they are the funniest, most shockingly clever little humans I know. I appreciate the simple things that I used to overlook: a sunny afternoon spent in the sandbox, a new word uttered spontaneously, an unexpected hug, a soundly sleeping child. I find that patience, compassion, and empathy come easier to me now. I have known love, joy, excitement, gratitude, and satisfaction that only another parent can understand. I have changed and become a different person- the kind of person I had always wanted to be. These last five years, 1,821 blessed days, have been worth it.
Happy 5th birthday Noëlle...and thank you.