Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I should have stayed in bed...

     Today was one of those days that just gets increasingly crappier and crappier. My day was kick started in the black hours of the morning- 4:17 am to be exact. I was jolted from a welcomed deep sleep by the insane barking of our dog downstairs. He was going ape shit crazy- barking and howling. Nick was at the cottage for the night- prepping it for renters for the March break, so it was up to me to defend the fort. I threw on my house coat and hideous pink crocs (clearly the proper attire for fighting burglars) and ran downstairs. I was ready for them. I rounded the corner, into the back den to face the intruder that Saku diligently alerted me to. Robbers? Rapist? Band of teenage junkies on the prowl in the metropolis of Moose Creek?! Nope. Some random dog had the audacity to trespass in our yard and piss on Saku's favorite tree. Are you friggin' kidding me. My heart was hammering so hard that it was reverberating in my ears. I gave the dog a swift kick in the arse...and then felt bad, so I put a handful of treats in his dish (no wonder he's so dense- I am the worst dog trainer. Ever.) I climbed the stairs back to bed...only to be greeted by the wails of Noelle and Dryden. Apparently Saku's fit scared the bejesus out of them too. 30 minutes of snuggles and a round of warm milk lulled everyone back to the sweet heaviness of sleep. Well, almost everyone. I was officially awake for the day. And so was my cold. Let me correct that- my second cold. I had a reprieve of an entire day of health before being slapped by another cold.
     I had to pretend that I was a pleasant human being, for the duration of the morning anyways, as we had a home visit from Noelle's Developmental Service worker. I scrambled to clean the house while the kids ate their breakfast...actually all they did was dump their apple sauce on their heads. Jerks- didn't they know that I didn't have time to give them a tubby!? So I had to resort to sticking their heads under the kitchen tap- which, obviously, would be the exact moment when the DSW showed up. Its hard to look casual after being caught trying to water board your kids...I'd love to read the note she took on this session lol. The appointment was a bust- Noelle was not in the mood to cooperate, choosing instead to practice her new found "ignoring skills" and Dryden kept sneaking up behind me and wiping his runny nose on my pants (by the end of the day, my clothes look like I was attacked by a rogue gang of snails. Gross.)
     Lunch was an exercise in extreme patience for me- both kids tossed their bowls of soup directly onto my dining room curtains. Mad Mommy was about to loose her cool. I needed some coffee (intravenously if necessary), some NyQuil, and a nap- in that order.
     My nap was cut short by the $&*#ing Jehovah Witnesses that harass me every second week. How is that fair? My husband is dumb enough to actually engage them in a chat that he was too polite to cut off...and I have to endure their constant visits for the next 2 and a half years!? Well my point was made today- I told them to piss off and I tossed their "Awake" pamphlet back at them. Jesus can ground me for that one later....
     My mercifully short afternoon was marred by re-twisting my ankle on an abandoned hot wheels dinky car (I think it was a plum colored el camino...I always hated those ugly cars/truck hybrids.) I was desperate- I even resorted to my back-up plan: I sold my soul for an "Time Out" for the rest of the day. The kids were good all night after supper (which they ate without me having to dive in slow motion to absorb a splash of stew meant for the curtains), they played nicely without fighting, and they were instantly sleepy at bedtime. I've since raided the Easter candy (Jesus can add an extra week to my punishment) and I fully intend to chug 1/3 of that bottle of NyQuil, take a bath, and forget that I ever got out of bed this morning. If Saku values his life, he'll munch on the treats I'll put in his dish before bed...and shut the hell up tonight!

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