Thursday, November 8, 2012

Cross Section Of A "Lazy" Sunday

Wake up (refreshed) to a silent house.

Sneak downstairs and indulge in a hot 20 minute shower- in complete privacy.

Enjoy coffee in the kitchen while reading the morning paper.

Realize that I am dreaming. Fak.

Wake up for real.

Release three ravenous monsters from their bedrooms.

Discover Monsters all have colds. Double Fak.

Drink a glass of water. I Hate it.

Discover Kleenex inventory is dangerously low. Toilet paper inventory: above adequate. Noses, meet Cottonelle...

Spend morning trying to force feed meds, wipe raw, snotty noses, and smear Vicks vapo rub on anything flesh tone.

Remind myself constantly:
They're sick, that's why they are whiney/annoying today.
They're sick, that's why they are whiney/annoying today.
They're children, that's why they are whiney/annoying every day.

Big milestone: Baby discovered how to remove diaper! While there was a huge shit in it.

Clean up shit. Obviously.

Duct tape diaper on.

Make strong coffee. Hide in the bathroom to drink it.

Emerge from bathroom. All three kids sitting outside the door waiting to be...entertained? Fed? Yelled at?

Make healthy lunch. Kids hate it.

Drink a glass of water. I Hate it.

Eat healthy lunch, agree with the kids: it sucks. Strike #1 Pintrest.

Feed the dog healthy lunch- he licks his bum instead.

Learn that our three year old has decided that nap time is purely optional. He exercised his option to scream "No!" over, and over again.

Cry briefly for the loss of my daily nap and/or afternoon "Me Time."

Break out the Christmas decorations and spend the afternoon being festive with Dryden.

Clean up eight dropped Xmas bulbs.

Put unbreakable bulbs on shopping list.

Drink water spiked with juice. Hate it a little less.

Fish mistletoe out of the baby's mouth; replace with cookie.

Fish half a pine cone out of baby's mouth; replace it with a bottle.

Fish bits of garland out of baby's mouth; replace it with a cheesie. Stop. Eating. Everything. You. Porker! Put Christmas stuff away for now.

Survive the rest of the afternoon and evening in a blur of soggy diapers, hot tempered tantrums, battles to the death over toys, stubbed toes, and dog puke.

Tuck in heavy eyed children.

Tuck in exhausted husband.

Spend hours doing laundry. Rejoice when it is complete...for all of 15 seconds until I discover more unwashed clothes. *Big Sigh*

Pour a glass of vodka...with a splash of water. Finally love water!!

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