A few things to note today. As Mommy, I have an official proclamation to make: Hear ye! Hear ye! From here on in, we at the Pomainville residence, will no longer be purchasing, or accepting, food scented play dough. Furthermore, play dough will only be played with on the dining room table, out of reach of enormous 100lbs dogs who cannot tell the difference (or don't care that there is a difference) between actual cherries, and a blob of soft, red plastic-y shit that smells vaguely like cherries. Nick's attention was diverted for 30 seconds while he dove to save Noelle from doing a face plant off the sofa and smashing any remaining teeth she still has in her little mouth; while his back was turned, Saku ate 1/2 a pound of play dough off the kiddie table that Dryden was playing with. Dryden, in turn, pitched a fit because he wanted his toy back (watch for it in the yard tomorrow my little friend) and kept making the sign for "more." Cute as that was...we only had the one container of play dough in the house...which was now inside the dog...which we now have to watch like a hawk to ensure that he doesn't barf on our brand frigging new carpet that we just had installed yesterday [ he has this quirk- he will only barf on carpet. I've watched him sprint around the house looking for a carpet to up-chuck on instead of heading to the door.] Also, I have two loads of freshly washed and dried laundry that has to be redone as Dryden insisted on wearing half of it while sitting on top of the other half as he ate a filled-to-the-brim blueberry fritter. Keep in mind, this was all accomplished in the 45 minutes that I was gone to my ultrasound.
I had yet another ultrasound today; they couldn't get pictures of the heart last time and the umbilical cord was between the fetus' legs so we weren't able to tell if the kids were getting a new brother or sister (I was betting on a boy- I was positive that I saw him flip the technician the bird...) So I waddled in there today, my fingers crossed. My legs were crossed too- I had to pee sooo badly. She was able to get all the heart pictures she needed and the little pound-of-butter sized baby waited until the last minute to open its legs and clue us in to what we'll be bringing home in the New Year. Before she told me (I can't tell what anything is on those ultrasounds. I usually just nod and say "oh yes, I see, the bladder, right...) the technician asked what we were hoping for: a boy or a girl?
This is a loaded question that Nick and I have been asked over and over again. We respond that it really doesn't matter, we just want a healthy baby and we always get The Face in response. The Face says, "What a crappy, unoriginal answer..." I know it is- I hate it when people give me bland, orchastrated answers like that too; however, to us a plain, regular old baby sounds great regardless of what color we get to dress it in. A boy would be fun for Dryden- a brother to play with, another boy to get into mischief with, a built-in buddy. The Pomainville brothers. It has a nice ring to it. They'll be sharing a room so the blue walls wouldn't need to be changed. Yeah, a boy would be great!
How about another daughter? I simply won't lie; deep in my heart of hearts, I would love another daughter. I don't know how to say this without diminishing the sheer amount of love I have for Noelle and the pure joy that she brings me every single day, but I would consider myself truly blessed to know the experience of having a typical daughter as well. I realize that I am asking to have my (triple layer, death by chocolate, covered in fudge icing) cake and eat it too, but if I am to be honest...then a daughter is what I was hoping for. When Noelle was born, I enjoyed her as a baby, but I also dreamed about the future: sports tournaments and dance recitals, slumber parties and spa trips, first dates and prom, sending her off to university, helping her plan a wedding, maybe holding her first child. It was fun to fantasize while I was up late, feeding her in the dark, deep silence of night. When we were first told that Noelle was special, I took a few days to secretly, and privately mourn the loss of the future that I had seen for her. My heart grieved for those milestones that I now knew she wouldn't experience. After a few days, I got over it. I don't know how, I don't remember what was said to me, or what I did to look past it but I did. And have never looked back. Why would I dwell on the things she can't or won't do? That seems stupid to me. I honestly look forward to the Noelley Milestones: play groups and new friends, first day of school and swimming lessons, pet and music therapy, graduating high school (who am I kidding- I'll be so fucking proud even if it is from the special class. Noelle will have an entire cheering section in the auditorium that day), and traveling the world with her father and I. I know she might not accomplish all of these things- I also know she'll accomplish one's that I haven't even thought of for her yet- that's what's so great about Noelle: she is such an unknown that we eagerly wait and watch every day to see what she will do, or at least try to do. I know that if we had another little girl I wouldn't compare the two- how could I? It would be like comparing warm brown butter glazed apple tart with lemon chiffon whipped cream to...vanilla ice cream. The first is far more complex, the second, a crowd pleaser. Pair them together though, and amazing! (Can you tell that I am pregnant? Everything relates back to my current cravings lol)
I waited a beat before answering the ultrasound technician and replied, "I kinda want both." She laughed and said, "Well, will you settle for a daughter? You'll have to try for a boy next time. Congratulations."
Wow. A little girl. I went home and was greeted with the play dough mayhem and shared the news. Nick and I were happy; Dryden is tickled that he'll have his very own baby (we've yet to break the news that she won't actually be his) and Noelle just made the sign that she wanted "more" chocolate pudding. She'll be happy that all her favorite baby toys will be resurfacing soon. Today, life seems pretty good. We're all happy and healthy- something we know never to take for granted- the kids hardly fought at all this afternoon, and Nick and I have a firm grip on the most important grace we've been given: the ability to accept the things that we cannot change and the knowledge that everything happens for a reason. Nick was able to sum up exactly how I felt when he said, "Now we'll have one of each: a boy, a girl, and a Noelley." xo