Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Cross Roads, Epiphanies, and Coconut Macaroons

     I had a moment yesterday before my hair appointment, when I stopped in at a grocery store for a Pepsi and gluten free macaroons (no judging!) As I rounded the corner to grab the cookies, I came face to face with a very pregnant woman who's two toddlers were full-on brawling over a box of animal crackers. Her shoulders were slumped, and tears made her eyes shiny.

Almost three years ago, I was her. Same grocery store, different aisle. It was shortly after having our third baby (in just over four years) and I needed stuff at the store (in those days, my very sanity rested precariously on the availability of Pepsi, homo milk, formula, and goldfish crackers.) Nick was working, and I told myself that, "I can do this! I can grocery shop with three kids!"

I couldn't.

When the older woman rounded the corner of my aisle- there we were: toddler Dryden sitting on the floor wailing, slightly older toddler Noëlle in the cart sobbing, tears running down my face as I tried to bottle feed the screaming fucking demon baby in my cart. The woman looked at me kindly and said, 
"it gets better." 
"When?" I replied through furious clenched teeth. "When. Does. It. Get. Better?!" I hissed. Unfortunately, her mythical date of improvement failed to give me comfort that day. 

But she was right; it got better, it got easier. Everything has. When I started this blog I was lost- I had no idea who I was, who I wanted to be, where I belonged. I felt disconnected...irrelevant...incompetent. 
I've used this blog to chronically my growth, as an adult, and just as importantly, as a parent. I can't really pinpoint when things got better; I think I just got better- god knows my kids are still kinda assholes (stop judging. All kids are kinda assholes.) Somewhere along the way, I found what I needed to be happy and healthy.

I get to wave goodbye to my two oldest kids on their school buses, and I have two long/short years left with the baby at home with me; I'm poised to open my dream business that reflects the changes and transition my life has experienced. I'm not sure what else I have planned for NudeMommy...I don't need to use it as a pressure valve anymore, but I'm not ready to stop blogging; I feel like it just needs to evolve- like I did.

* I stood there 100% deer-in-the-headlights staring at this poor mom. I opened my mouth to regurgitate that super unhelpful advice that was offered me...and I stopped. Before I thought about it for too long, I gave her a quick hug, and told her she was doing a good job, that she was a good mom. Because that's what she needed to hear; that's what I had needed to hear that day three years ago. I snatched my cookies, that her two kids were now fighting over, and left to enjoyed some "Me" time getting my hair done (my 5" roots failed to start a global trend unfortunately) while Nick wrangled our kids at home.

NudeMommy out xo