Ever since I gave birth to Noelle over four years ago, my back has been fantastic. No more drugs, no more massages, bye bye magic bag, 'eff you acupuncture, piss off A535. I've kinda taken it for granted that I can move without pain now.
Tonight I bent over to scoop up the baby from the bottom of the playpen (before her older, and much larger, siblings squashed her) and I felt a jolt of electricity bolt up from the small of my back and race up to my neck. I dropped to one knee but managed not to drop Raegan. More or less- the dog broke her fall (don't call PETA...I gave him a treat.) I managed an hour of half-assed parenting in which I begged Dryden to go get me diapers, I encouraged the dog to eat a dropped Kleenex off the floor so I didn't have to bend to pick it up, I let Noelle drink the rest of my vanilla lattee because she was out of reach to stop, and wiped up the baby's milk dribbles with my shirt as I couldn't get off my chair to get a bib. I even managed to put them to bed without having to pick them up; I lured Noelle into her room with my car keys (hell, I let her keep them. Maybe she can drive me to the ER if it gets bad), I bribed Dryden to get his own sippy cup of milk, walk up the stairs, and climb into bed by himself. A baggie filled with marshmallows is, apparently, worth it's weight in gold. I strapped the baby to the dog and he carried her to bed. Kidding. But I did put a size 6 diaper on her so I don't have to pick her up to change her bum halfway through the night. Kidding...I only thought of that just now. Shit.
I raided the medicine cabinet and found some oxy pills Nick was prescribed but never used. Hallefrigginluia. They are definitely starting to kick in. I'm feeerling a whittle but woozi bjigcxfh nvhj snarf