I must say that I have been dragging my feet making a new years resolution. Not that I haven't invested significant thought towards the matter; on the contrary, I believe that I have over thought the whole deal to the point of confusion. I normally agree wholeheartedly with the notion of self-improvement, of setting attainable goals that will better yourself, and your life, or possibly the lives of those you surround yourself with. I usually like the crisp, freshness of a new year bringing forth new thoughts, and attitudes, and lifestyles to those that are open to change. This year, however, I am stumped and thoroughly uninspired.
One goal that will eventually play a major role in my life in 2012 is to finally lose the extra pounds that I've accumulated and hoarded throughout various pregnancies and to engage in healthier eating habits. The problem with this goal becoming my new years resolution lies within the inconvenient timing of New Years...two weeks before my due date. I am completely self-aware of my habits and character. I know that in the weeks immediately after I (finally) give birth I will be an emotional, blubbering, bitchy, sleep-deprived zombie/woman hybrid and embarking on a weight loss and exercise regime at this time may be unwise for my well being. And the well being of everyone in the nearby vicinity. This will have to be a personal goal that I will tackle once my body is healed, my hormones have calmed the fuck down, the baby is settled comfortably in our home and family, and I no longer need to rely on dark chocolate and Pepsi to get through the day.
Another area in my life that I would like to refresh in 2012 would be my marriage. I would like more date nights (not grocery shopping or working on the house- but actual dates: with a babysitter, and makeup, and sitting down for a entire meal that I didn't have to make, and dare I wish...maybe even a movie after?) I'd like more stolen moments as a couple to appreciate the qualities that attracted us to each other so many years ago. Again, I realize that this will be highly unlikely in the months to come as we adjust to being outnumbered by the children. This too shall have to be an "I'll get to this eventually..."
I'd love to save more money this year- maybe that could be my resolution! However, upon further thought, I concluded that this too might not be a realistic goal. I am a stay at home mom; we have lived on one income for years now, and adhere to an already rigid budget. We are already putting money aside for our planned addition and future renovation. Although I have grand visions of cutting back and pinching pennies in order to achieve these plans sooner- I can see Nicholas being very unimpressed and less than eager to participate. I can envision him glowering at me in the dark as I go around shutting off all the lights and TVs and lighting candles instead (he already calls me the Hydro Nazi), or refusing to eat any vegetarian suppers simply because they are cheaper (Nick: "um...where's the meat? There seems to be a lot of side dish here, but where's the steak? Is it hiding? Is this a game? I'm so confused...and hungry.") I got a sewing machine for Christmas, maybe I could make Nick some clothes for Father's Day instead of buying them? * I literally laughed out loud right there. I pictured him wearing some plaid monstrosity and looking sooo mad *
There are honestly numerous areas in my life that could use some tweaking and motivation: volunteer with an organization, spend more time with friends, initiate more get togethers with family, get involved within my community, spend time helping at Noelle's school, learn a new art or hobby, become more organized, more involved, more toned, more tanned, more, more, more! It is at this point where I must stop myself. No, seriously, I have to stop to pee- this baby is kicking the bejesus out of my bladder. BRB. (* quiet interlude *)
Yes, it is at this point where I must stop myself. I will stop myself from trying to be "More" this year. More stressed. More exasperated. More alienated. More martyred than the average mom. This year I resolve not to have a resolution. I want to have this baby (apparently whenever her highness is good and frigging ready) and struggle through the first few weeks, like every parent does, without any additional agendas. I want to settle my little ones into a routine and just enjoy our time together. I want to guide Noelle through the immensely huge milestone of going to school and allowing myself to be available if they need me to help out; and to acknowledge that the entire Upper Canada District School board will not disintegrate if I am not fully involved. I want to slowly change my habits and activity level to the point where I am healthy and happy with my body. I want to relax and have fun with my husband, and family, and friends.
This year's resolution is to let go and allow myself to just "be". Be Rachel. Be Mommy. Be happy.